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One year into the second Trump Presidency and America is now a very different place. It may superficially look the same from the outside. Many of us are able to go through the motions of our daily lives in the same ways as before. But, everything is changed on the inside.
America has become a place where it is no longer entirely safe to speak freely. Where criticizing the Government can get you into trouble, perhaps even cause you to be fired from your job, or deported. Where engaging in public protest can get you arrested. Where every day you wake up with a clenching stomach, wondering what new Government outrage has happened overnight.
Where every day, hordes of masked men roam communities, terrorize individuals, wantonly grab people off the streets, from their cars, or places of business, rough them up and throw them into detention, on no evidence whatsoever that they are guilty of any wrongdoing. All of this sanctioned by the Government authorities that are supposedly here to protect us.
I can’t believe I’m actually writing these words. I can’t believe I am actually living in a country where extra-judicial executions, such as happened with Renee Good in Minneapolis last week, killed by an ICE officer, can take place; where forced disappearances have become routine; where individuals with legal residency or citizenship status can be swept up in anti-immigration raids, if they happen to look foreign (translation – black or brown), or be hanging around in a place frequented by immigrants; where even young children can be snatched up and taken into detention.
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I can’t believe I’m living in a country where the authorities, instead of investigating the officer who killed Renee Good, are slandering her as a “domestic terrorist” and investigating her widow for potential obstruction of ICE agents.
Those of us privileged to live in majority white, suburban, or middle-class communities can pretend to ourselves that life is still normal and that we won’t be swept up in this madness. But, it’s a delusion.
Today, every interaction is overshadowed by the political climate.
Today, when I meet friends, we don’t just catch up with each other’s news. We always ask each other, with deliberate meaning, “how are you doing?” – the subtext being, “how are you handling the stress caused by the latest Trump outrage?”
When I meet strangers, we dance delicately around the subject of Trump, to find out whether we are on the same political page or not, before opening up more substantively to each other.
With strangers, we use euphemisms to lead into a conversation about current events – “with everything going on”, “in today’s crazy world”, and decode responses carefully to work out where we each stand.
This is how I always imagined people living in authoritarian countries communicated with each other, in lowered tones, or using veiled references, in case someone hostile is listening.
I no longer ask people of obviously foreign origin where they are from, how long they have lived in America or their current status. It’s better not to know.
I feel privately relieved and ashamed not to be a migrant, black or Hispanic myself. I imagine this is not dissimilar to how many Germans felt in the early 1930s, when they became uneasily aware that their Jewish neighbours were being harassed by Hitler’s brownshirts.
A year ago, I felt able to write articles or post on social media about current events without worrying about whether this might get me, or anyone associated with me, into trouble. Last summer, amidst the hounding of anyone who posted anything negative about the murdered political activist, Charlie Kirk, I deleted my Twitter account.
Today, I think twice before I post anything on social media. Sometimes, I go back to erase critical posts about the Trump administration a few hours, or even days, after writing them, in a panic that I might have expressed myself too strongly, and come under investigation for anti-American behaviour.
A year ago, I felt able to travel in and out of the US without worrying about whether I would be allowed back in. Today, amidst reports that some in the Trump administration want to be able to denaturalize Americans who they feel no longer deserve citizenship, I feel anxious every time I pass through customs.
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Before my most recent entry into the country, I deleted all social media apps from my phone, just to be on the safe side.
My fear extends to my family, particularly my two sons, who are of non-white heritage. Will they accidentally get caught up in an ICE round up of “immigrant-looking people”? Should I start suggesting they always carry their passports around with them to be able to prove their identity – even though even proof of citizenship does not appear to stop ICE?
A year ago, I never used to worry about attracting the attention of “the authorities.” In fact, I never thought about “the authorities” as a concept at all, let alone one to be afraid of. I always imagined something called “the authorities” being a problem for people living in dictatorships, like Iran or Venezuela, not those living in western democracies.
Now, many people try to keep a low profile. Friends who would normally be politically active, for example, by attending #NoKings or anti-ICE protests, have told me they no longer want to participate for fear of being identified by facial recognition technology, and getting into trouble at work. Acquaintances who work with administration officials bite their tongues. Many of us, consciously or not, are starting to self-censor.
In my neighbourhood, people regularly used to put up signs in their front yard with political slogans on them to express their support for particular causes – such as “Black Lives Matter” or “All Migrants Welcome.” Walking around this week, I noticed almost no-one has such signs any more.
A year ago, though everyone felt pinched by rises in the cost of living, most people of my acquaintance felt reasonably secure in their jobs, and confident they could meet their daily expenses, with some funds to spare for occasional meals out, or vacations. Today, many of my friends are cutting back. Several have lost their jobs due to the swingeing cuts imposed by Elon Musk’s DOGE in the early months of the administration. Others are finding business tailing off amidst the economic uncertainty. One neighbour, who works at a nursery school, told me it may need to close next year because not enough parents can afford the fees.
Two of my friends have had to tell their kids that they can no longer afford to pay for their tuition at expensive out-of-state universities, and