Satire
as Jacob Rees-Mogg
My old chum, the Honourable Algernon Cockburn-Butts, recently rang out of the blue. I hadn’t spoken to Algie in years but one’s initial thrill at hearing his familiar voice soon turned to vexation when he informed me in trembling tones that he was “reaching out” to impart some “personal” news.

As Algie proceeded to weep unbecomingly down the line, I managed to divine that Susan, his wife of 20 years, had left him for an Antipodean “fitness instructor” called Kelvin, taking Æthelflæd – their beloved labrador – and three indifferent children with her.

